one shade gray †

circus mind

2012-02-16T21:35:00.000-08:00

lie, move on

2012-02-16T18:18:00.000-08:00

future starts slow

2012-02-10T20:18:00.000-08:00

is the color

2012-02-10T19:15:00.000-08:00

( o f m y t r u e l o v e ' s h a i r )

dead sound

2012-02-08T00:11:00.001-08:00

† † †

waste trilogy iii

2012-02-08T00:06:00.001-08:00

***

i send you this Reckoning

to tell you, count everything twice, the Chips fall where they may

let him who has Spirit and Strength, (struggle as he Might)

i have loved rhetoric more than my own mind

and dance here stupidly, stupidly, like a word

( i thought i couldn't find the grace, to be a ghost without a mind )

ripped from
"dead's good company"
judith johnson sherwin

***

+++

2012-02-08T00:02:00.000-08:00

i was offered beauty in secrets

2012-02-07T23:56:00.000-08:00

( t h a n k y o u a † s l o d o v )

earth, looking up

2012-02-07T23:35:00.000-08:00

people in this town are foolish, as I begin to see (sneezed the lion)

2012-02-07T23:04:00.000-08:00

kalligraphische schriftvorlagen

2012-02-06T23:27:00.000-08:00

(johan hering, 1620 )

2012-02-06T22:58:00.001-08:00

& the pussycats.

2012-02-06T22:48:00.000-08:00

f o r a n e w j e l l y b e a n f r i e n d , x o

you can never leave (your roadside friends)

2012-01-30T22:53:00.000-08:00

i recollected that her eye excelled in brightness, and that she has no eye-lids

2012-01-30T22:42:00.000-08:00

& a nervous tic motion of the head (to the left)

2012-01-30T22:34:00.000-08:00

2012-01-23T00:20:00.001-08:00

that i used to know

2012-01-23T00:18:00.000-08:00

forget it, jake. (it's chinatown)

2012-01-23T00:17:00.000-08:00

madder red

2012-01-14T20:05:00.000-08:00

wake up & strengthen what remains

2012-01-14T20:03:00.000-08:00

i know your works. you have a reputation of being alive -
(but he says) however, you are d e a d
(with our l i ght ni n g bol t s agl o w i ng,
i can't see wher e i am g o i n g)

wake up & strengthen what remains & is about to die
so, wake up w a k e u p

it tires her to see the curve of heaven

2012-01-14T19:57:00.000-08:00

the Aeneid of Virgil, book iv, L 620-622, 696-708, 715-722

then maddened by the fates, unhappy Dido
calls out at last for death; it tires her
to see the curve of heaven.

but when beneath the open sky, inside
the central court, the pyre rises high
and huge, with logs of pine and planks of ilex,
the queen, not ignorant of what is coming,
then wreathes the place with garlands, crowning it
with greenery of death; and on the couch
above she sets the clothes Aeneas wore,
the sword he left, and then his effigy.
before the circling altars the enchantress,
her hair disheveled, stands as she invokes
aloud three hundred gods, especially
Chaos and Erebus and Hecate,
the triple-shaped Diana, three-faced virgin.
[Dido herself] close by the altars and about to die-
now calls upon the gods and stars, who know
the fates, as witness; then she prays to any
power there may be, who is both just and watchful,
who cares for those who love without requital.

"
† † † † † † † † † † † † † †

saturday with the slouches

2012-01-14T19:22:00.000-08:00

berry song

2012-01-14T19:11:00.000-08:00

(cat in a [bag) of bones]

2012-01-14T19:04:00.001-08:00

take aim

2012-01-12T23:54:00.000-08:00

costu me

2012-01-09T00:14:00.000-08:00

if you need me, i'm behind the moon

2012-01-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

fresh light

2012-01-08T09:32:00.000-08:00

and now i see the place where i must kee p to m y s e l ll f through the eye s of someone new (thanks, lily)

2012-01-05T23:22:00.000-08:00

hold out, & save yourself for kinder days

2012-01-05T00:37:00.000-08:00

( virgil's A E N E I D )

uncover our heads and reveal our souls

2012-01-02T08:47:00.000-08:00

W E W E R E H U N G R Y B E F O R E W E W E R E B O R N

blu velvet

2012-01-02T00:36:00.000-08:00

s o f t e r t h a n s a t i n

rings to rule

2012-01-02T00:22:00.000-08:00

never love a wild thing

2012-01-01T23:57:00.000-08:00

+ l e p e t i t p r i n c e
d e S a i nt E x u p é ry

"I am looking for friends. What does that mean - tame?"
"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. "It means to establish ties."
"To establish ties?"
"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys.
And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me.
To you I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes.
But if you tame me, then we shall need each other.
To me, you will be unique in all the world.
To you, I shall be unique in all the world."

for a moment now the whisps clear from my anciented eyes

2011-12-30T15:55:00.000-08:00

and i see things, in steam and skulls and strains of kings of spain.
the colors of an orchestra, the sound of courage, heart;
things, my happy semi-charmed tiny life, these marvellous things and not-things.
i am a ragged red and a curious cur, and happiness is mine.

left my heart to the wild hunt a-comin

2011-12-26T14:51:00.000-08:00

a n a s t a s i i a s a p o n p h o t o g r a p h y xo & i live until the call, & i plan to be forgotten when i'm gone

want sheep

2011-12-25T09:11:00.000-08:00

V, l e petit prince

de S a i n t E x u p é r y

La preuve que le petit prince a existé

c’est qu’il était ravissant,

qu’il riait,

et qu’il voulait un mouton.

Quand on veut un mouton,

c’est la preuve qu’on existe.

shade embracing shade

2011-12-25T08:38:00.000-08:00

preface to The Aeneid of Virgil

"

V I R G I L : "Brother, there's no need-/ you are a shade, a shade is what you see."

S T A TI U S : "Now you can understand/ how much love burns in me for you, when I/
forget our insubstantiality,/ treating the shades as one treats solid things."

shallow grave

2011-12-25T01:03:00.002-08:00

well now we're dancing in the garden, and

well what a garden you've made -

so you could stay the tallest man in my eyes

braav-herte

2011-12-25T01:03:00.001-08:00

eyes have seen beauty

2011-12-25T01:03:00.000-08:00

m e r c i b e a u c o u p , paris

eyes have seen beauty

2011-12-24T23:07:00.000-08:00

t h a n k y o u , my love

eyes have seen beauty

2011-12-24T14:34:00.000-08:00

t a k k f y r i r , reyjkavik

2011-12-23T00:52:00.000-08:00

the two moons cast the shadow of her heart and mind
her heart gives a shudder. the world has changed -
and something is beginning to happen

All Right, Then

2011-12-23T00:26:00.000-08:00

"It is precisely because you were transported to 1Q84 that you were able to learn this fact - the fact that your hearts are, in a sense, intertwined."
She said, "We should have had the courage to search for each other long ago, I suppose. Then we could have been united in the original world."
Tears poured from Aomame's eyes. She cried for everything she had lost. She cried for everything she was about to lose. And eventually - how long had she been crying? - she arrived at a point where she could cry no longer. Her tears dried up, as if her emotions had run into an invisible wall.
"All right, then," Aomame said.

Everything ended in silence. The beasts and spirits heaved a deep breath, broke up their encirclement, and returned to the depths of a forest that had lost its heart.

1Q84, excerpts 471-473

m u r a k a m i

you'll never do it, you'd miss me too much

2011-12-22T23:17:00.000-08:00

b a n g b a n g
i n e v e r m i s s

if i have no more to lose than a wager

2011-12-13T23:51:00.000-08:00

i'd say the odds are in my f a v o r

now is the time for ghosts

2011-12-13T23:38:00.000-08:00

i speak like the sheep man, my truth
in harrowed pursuit of something i saw i saw for
only just a moment beyond the wall the wall
(the two moons cast the shadow of her heart & mind)

i speak like the sheep man the wild chase,
no more nothing echoing in the cavities of my bones
but instead instead my head on a plaque (on a pillar on a pile of
six million) lost in a-maze of catacomb musk.

i think like the sheep man and forget my skin
my Woul' is steel, and chaos and courage and restless
roam-antics. return is not dust, return is not death
i speak with the plague on my violet breath.

††† (love, death are always on my mind)

2011-12-11T09:17:00.000-08:00

l o v e l e s s w o r l d is dead world
s l e e p w h e n d e a d
heart is free / have the courage to follow it

2011-12-10T00:34:00.000-08:00

land of ice † city of lights (heart cuffed & mangled)

2011-12-06T05:54:00.000-08:00

( t h i s m y e x c a v a t i o n a n d t o d a y i s K u m r a n † e v e r y t h i n g t h a t h a p p e n s i s f r o m n o w o n )

thank you meemz for the memories immortal

+++

2011-11-22T19:59:00.000-08:00

i t w e n t t h e du ll l l l & w i c k e d o r d i n a r y w a y

i'm good,

2011-11-21T22:02:00.001-08:00

i'm gone

sweeter things

2011-11-21T22:00:00.000-08:00

i saw two rats in the middle of the gutter
wrapped up in each other in the chill,
frozed.

i saw the bum in front missing a bloody moon from his spine
and the gore and the fur in the shards of his brother's grin behind
just as well as well just knuckle and grimed
i saw them huddled to keep cold,
curled up holding hands to keep each other dead
beauty is only skin deep so they say
i say i say he flayed the flesh off with his fangs
skin and bone cold, wan my love, and black jane doe eyes

and when at last i thought i had it, it turned to dust in my hands.

+++

2011-11-20T22:42:00.000-08:00

+++

2011-11-20T22:28:00.000-08:00

roads end getting nearer † we cover distance but not together

2011-11-20T21:56:00.000-08:00

t h e s t o r y o f m y m a k e r ( w h a t i h a v e a n d w h a t i a c h e f o r )

marble haus (anastasiia sapon photography)

2011-11-13T08:53:00.000-08:00

i wanted to see right through from the other side, i wanted to walk a trail with no end in sight (the moment we believe that we have never met † another kind of love it's easy to forget)
A N A S T A S I I A S A P O N

blow me a kiss from across the room

2011-11-09T20:17:00.000-08:00

i ' l l l e t i t m i s s s o y o u d o n ' t a s s u m e

my name is finn (&, the end is not yet. )

2011-11-09T19:38:00.000-08:00

these three essential truths i hold in my pockets clipped to my hips:
one this my gun: i am im permanent (i never hear the word Escape)
two this my knife: i am non paramount (who commands demoniacs?)
three this my hands like claws, because everything faced with loss has fangs:
i am in corrigible, ir repressible (always roaming, always wrenching, always howling)
soul, then man, then earth, then world. my name is finn and the end is not yet.

sibylline leaves

2011-11-09T18:07:00.000-08:00

soft the glances of the youth

2011-11-09T07:57:00.000-08:00

X O F

2011-11-08T23:15:00.000-08:00

this morning when i woke from my dreams in a tangle of calm cool sweat, i couldn't straighten my head from the snarl of a thought from a life-long dead: make all our trumpets speak, give them all breath/ those clamorous harbingers of blood, & death

2011-11-08T21:32:00.000-08:00

d e     a     t     h               r     i     d     e     s            w     i     t     h                  h     e     r
d e     a     t h          r     i     d     e     s            w i     t     h                   h     e     r
d e     a     t     h               r     i     d     e     s            w i     t     h                  h    e     r
d e a     t     h        r i     d     e     s              w     i     t     h                  h     e     r
d e     a     t     h           r i     d     e     s      w     i     t     h                  h     e     r
d e     a     t     h    r     i     d     e     s       w     i     t     h                   h     e     r
d e     a     t     h      r     i     d     e     s               w     i t     h            h     e     r

+++ ( sloan )

2011-11-08T21:04:00.000-08:00

us (paige hermreck film prints)

2011-11-08T20:45:00.000-08:00

l i v i n g i n a d e n o f t h i e v e s , r u m m a g i n g f o r a n s we r s i n t h e p a g e s

(thank you, paige)

& as they hold out their hands in the sleepless city to beg for ragged breaths of fire they wink and sing:

2011-11-08T20:28:00.000-08:00

" she's once, twice, three times a lady " - and i, i i breathe in the rain and risk believing em

+++ ( crypt-kickers )

2011-11-08T20:20:00.000-08:00

alright you bloodsucker, let's hear him sing

charm

2011-10-29T09:52:00.000-07:00

girl be violent love, be rough
want for none, be own, enough
hold as sacred no-one's vows
wait on nothing, burn it now
mind be cold and heart be tough
want for none, be own, enough

i slept

2011-10-26T08:58:00.000-07:00

*but my heart was awake.

recharge

2011-10-26T08:48:00.000-07:00

my impression of you is hard to comprehend / when two people have no time to spend

& R E V O L T

get ready

2011-10-23T10:25:00.000-07:00

oh sweet heart i'm counting the days in ticks and tremors until the nights in the land where the sun never sets on our simple souls

simplexity

2011-10-20T18:41:00.000-07:00

i've always wanted for a simple love (he told me, chewing his thoughts). my list is short:
she has to be happy, and comfortable, and that's all i need. (he seemed to have more to say)

and - she must like me. because to be with someone who does not like you is not good.

( i thought of film and rain-feathers and wished in simple thoughts. )

acherontia lachesis

2011-10-19T08:14:00.000-07:00

my heart beats like a moth
against the window's pains-
in flits, and starts, and flutters

even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily-"

2011-10-18T08:59:00.000-07:00

( "strange as it may seem, i still hope for the best. ) l e m o n y s n i c k e t

ghost week

2011-10-17T23:55:00.000-07:00

measured in the rapidest bits of time

u n t i l w e b l e e d

2011-10-17T20:16:00.000-07:00

s o m e times, my mind teems with s t a a a t i x
i think simplethoughts a n d r un a s f a r as
my legs will take me & t h e n i wa l k in
shakes between the silence and noise .
sometimes , t h e c a v i t y i n m y c h e s t s e e t h e s RED
, i can hardly can barely can strictly breathe
and in those moments i have wings for love
wax & wane, dead or less; splinters & oh!, pinions.
sometimes i let my hip bones walk me and my spine follow
reclining behind ; and sometimes blood drains from my brain

& i , c a l m , c a tch it in my palms , in clots

be bloody, bold, & resolute

2011-10-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

m a l c o l m Let us seeke out some desolate shade, & there weepe our sad bosomes empty.
m a c d u f f Let us rather hold fast the mortall Sword: and like good men, bestride our downfall

laugh to scorne the powre of man

M A C † B E T H

+++ || (playground love)

2011-10-14T00:42:00.000-07:00

her tell-tale heart

2011-10-13T18:26:00.000-07:00

sweet sulk (the haus she lives in)

2011-10-12T08:35:00.000-07:00

those known desires / her first admirers / who claimed they were her favorite (but i'll know that it was me alone she loved / though i still have nothing to show for it )

2011-10-10T19:23:00.000-07:00

proud of you

k. h o f e r p h o t o g r a p h y

oktober

2011-10-09T10:12:00.000-07:00

i slink around corners and bristle at the spine
my life as a mongrelle in a city of pretty girls

the strange cat, by by George Cruikshank. From George Cruikshank’s omnibus, London, 1842 †

sputniksweet heart

2011-10-06T08:48:00.000-07:00

"And it came to me then. That we were wonderful traveling companions but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal in their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they're nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we'd be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing."

Sputnik Sweetheart

( N e w m a n , W o o d w a r d )

"...But who can say what's best? That's why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives."

Norwegian Wood

M U R A K A M I

les bienfaits de la lune

2011-10-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

(THE FAVOURS OF THE MOON)

The moon, which is caprice itself, looked in the window while you were sleeping in your crib, and said to herself: "That child pleases me."

And then she mellowly descended her staircase of clouds and passed noiselessly through the windows. Then she spread herself over you with the supple tenderness of a mother, and she left her colors on your face. Your eyes remained green, and your cheeks extraordinarily pale. It was while contemplating that visitor that your eyes became so bizarrely large; and she so tenderly crushed your throat that you have retained forever the desire to cry.

Meanwhile, in the expansiveness of her joy, the Moon filled all of the room like a phosphoric atmosphere, like a luminous poison; and all of that living light thought and said: "You will be eternally subject to the influence of my kiss. You will be beautiful in my manner. You will love what I love and who loves me: water, the clouds, silence, and the night; the immense, green sea; formless and multiform water; the place where you will not be; the lover you will not know; monstrous flowers; perfumes that make you delirious; cats who swoon on pianos, and who moan like women, with a hoarse, gentle voice!

"And you will be loved by my lovers, courted by my courtiers. You will be the queen of the green-eyed men whose throats I have also pressed with my nocturnal caresses; of those who love the sea, the immense sea, tumultuous and green, formless and multiform water, the place where they are not, the woman they do not know, sinister flowers that resemble the incense burners of an unknown religion, perfumes that trouble the will, and savage and voluptuous animals that are the emblems of their folly."

And it is for that reason, cursed, spoiled, beloved child, that I am now laying at your feet, seeking in all of your person the reflection of the formidable Divinity, of the prophetic god-mother, of the wet-nurse who empoisons all lunatics.

Baudelaire, 20 prose poems

eternally subject to the influence of her kiss / beautiful in her manner / hoarse, & gentle; cursed, spoiled, beloved child.

***

shyness is nice,

2011-10-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

& shyness can stop you
from doing all the things in life you'd like to

+++ || ( dorado )

2011-10-04T08:38:00.000-07:00

b e t t e r r u n , b e t t e r t a k e c o v e r

(of lights in the north and the City)

2011-10-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

devils & dust

2011-10-02T11:55:00.000-07:00

blackbird slippin in the sky of blue / aint nothin in this world i can do about it / all i'm thinkin bout is you

m. dymek photographs Fall

manhattan

2011-10-02T10:11:00.000-07:00

we're gonna show this town, how to kiss these stars

know thyself first as immortal/ and loke at besyly thow werche and wysse

2011-10-02T09:38:00.000-07:00

to commune profit, and thow shalt not mysse/ to comen swiftly to that place deere/ that ful of blysse is and of soules cleere

chaucer, parliament of fowles

masters of black

2011-10-02T09:31:00.000-07:00

oh don't go my dear sweet ghosts, i'll eat you up i love you so.
g h x s t

divine, comedic

2011-10-02T02:14:00.001-07:00

dante, doré

there is bound to be someone driven mad by love who will give you the chance one of these days;

2011-10-02T01:58:00.000-07:00

màrquez, love in the time of cholera

shrouded in black, with the raven of destiny on their shoulder || ( silver widow )

2011-09-25T23:16:00.000-07:00

He had known for a long time that he was predestined to make a widow happy, and that she would make him happy, and that did not worry him. On the contrary: he was prepared. After having known so many of them during his incursions as a solitary hunter, Florentino Ariza had come to realize that the world was full of happy widows. He had seen them go mad with grief at the sight of their husband's corpse, pleading to be buried alive in the same coffin so they would not have to face the future without him, but as they grew reconciled to the reality of their new condition he had seen them rise up from the ashes with renewed vitality. They began by living like parasites of gloom in their empty houses, they became confidantes of their servants, lovers of their pillows, with nothing to do after so many years of sterile captivity...

In the restorative idleness of solitude, on the other hand, the widows discovered that the honorable way to live was at the body's bidding, eating only when one was hungry, loving without lies, sleeping without having to feign sleep in order to escape the indecency of official love, possessed at last of the right to an entire bed to themselves, where no one fought them for half of the sheet, half of the air they breathed, half of their night, until their bodies were satisfied with dreaming their own dreams, and they were alone.

màrquez, love in the time of cholera 203

brown shoes, &

2011-09-24T22:11:00.000-07:00

f o r m i s v o i d ††† but, you know, girl can dream, i n st r i p e s

in terris

2011-09-24T22:00:00.000-07:00

p a x , my mind, pax pax pax .
& i thought, be still my heart, be silent, be still.

+++ || (baby's first bot)

2011-09-24T14:20:00.000-07:00

congrats on being born little one, to whomever you are be good to Bot, may you ever get along. happy birthday, kid-robot.

+++

2011-09-21T08:34:00.000-07:00